Who are you, really?
It should be such a simple question. And yet identity roots us into a way of being. Have we freely chosen that way? In my own journey, like that of so many others, there were influences encouraging my self-expression, and influences imposing their own ideas.
My maternal grandmother was excited to discover us. With her, us cousins painted rocks, wrote poems (which she would frame and hang on her walls) and staged variety shows. She celebrated and amplified our creativity. And as we grew up, she was the one we went to for advice and confidential conversations about relationships and life. I grew up in the freedom and power of self-expression and acceptance, and those early years set the blueprint of the authentic me.
By contrast, my father had ideas about who we were supposed to be, what was good enough and what was safe. I suppose he was well-meaning, and yet his many ideas narrowed the path. And if you wanted to win his love, you followed that path. For example, I was a fashion designer and tailoring expert in high school. I was also an excellent student academically. My dad rejected my desire to pursue fashion, and ultimately I enrolled in university and studied computer science.
Don’t get me wrong. My technical degree has certainly paid off for me. But even today, I am captivated by color, design, movement, reflection and style. I’m passionate about celebrating the unique essence of the self — and fashion is a vehicle for that.
Our essential selves are to be treasured.
Sometimes we have to rediscover those aspects of ourselves that truly make us sing. That light us up. That inexplicably bring silly smiles and joy to our faces. And once discovered, that gift can unfold in waves, more fully revealing itself over time.
Last week I profiled the genius and artistry of Jerry Garcia. Art was essential to his life, and he was constantly playing with aspects of expression. Once when commenting on the more complicated music of the Grateful Dead, he said, “You can’t just play the way the Grateful Dead plays without working at it. It’s not something that is easy or just happened to us. There was a long, slow process that brought that into being.”
Patience is not something that comes naturally to me. Haha. But I can appreciate that if you allow yourself to be drawn to what you love, and then you play and riff with that consistently, you can be rewarded with exquisite beauty.
The key is, discover what you love. Explore that magnetism. It’s your genius.
Identity can be surprisingly elusive. At times in life we’re quite certain who we are, and we play that role — perhaps mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, executive, volunteer. But over time, we may come to realize that we left parts of us — essential parts of us — behind as we fell into patterns. Or we experience a jolt in life — like the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. And suddenly we’re adrift. We deal with the high stakes situation in the moment, and we reactively channel our feelings of being untethered, perhaps pouring grief into funeral arrangements, or spewing anger after divorce. We long to find a place to put our unwelcome feelings.
But all of these moments ask, “Who are you, really?”
Who are you when what you’ve known has been stripped away? Who are you in this next chapter? And will you take this opportunity to shape who you are? With intention, and possibly delight?
In the long and winding road of life, we’re invited to riff, to discover and to emerge, again.
Jerry went on to say, “It’s not enough to be the best at what you do, you must be perceived as the only one who does what you do.” The thing is, that’s already true. You are the only you. And your unique essence is a note in our collective song.
Someone who knows a bit about the power of presence is 103-year-old doctor and founder of holistic medicine, Gladys McGarey. Last weekend my son hosted a party. I caught up with one of his childhood friends, Jake, who is studying to become a doctor. Jake shared the joy and insights of Gladys. Fascinated by what can be learned from someone who has lived for more than a century, I started reading one of her books right away – The Well-Lived Life: A 102-Year-Old Doctor’s Six Secrets to Health and Happiness at Every Age.
With such love and wisdom, Gladys shares midway through her book, “While you are here, you will change the world, at least in small ways. You will connect with others and help form their lives. You will create beauty. You will give your gifts and share your experiences. Your impact, no matter how large or how tiny, will ripple outward in ways you may never truly understand.”
Without your note, we fall flat — our collective symphony may be lovely yet it’s not transcendent. I invite you to play your note. Summon what you need, whether that’s faith, boldness, dedication or a bit of whimsy. What I can promise you: You can trust that your essence, your presence and your genius, when nurtured, will emerge.
And with that will be a sense of peace, fulfillment and happiness.
So, who are you, really? Who are you nurturing? Who are you choosing to be?
