Sadness. She came to visit today, again. Truth be told, she comes to visit often. Likely because I brush her aside and tell her to come back later. And so she does, a persistent sentry at the door to my protected heart. Other more welcome emotions get the nod to come on in. She sits, marginalized yet not willing to be ignored.
Today was quiet for me, having spun out my distracting busy-ness. I caught sight of Sadness, still waiting, now extending her hand. My Mind and gate-keeper wants a justification for her presence — a “good enough” reason to allow her in. But really, I am afraid of her. She seems peaceful, but will she bring with her all those long buried hurts, disappointments and losses? And if I let her in, will she stay?
Gathering my courage, I sit down. Sadness says, “I need your time and attention. I need you to sit with me, to be present with me. I need you to hold my hand and share this feeling with me.” I tentatively take her hand, “Sadness, I may not be strong enough to bear this, again. It is easier for me when it is your pain and I console you.” “But it is not my pain, I am you. Don’t deny me, else you deny yourself. I am asking you to hold my hand so you feel the strength in me and experience the beauty in me.” As she spoke, I let the idea spark that I could trust her, and I start to relax. I shed layers of resistance and I tighten our grasp in genuine affection.
With that commitment to unity, we ventured forth onto a mystical and verdant path of jungle shadows and waterfalls, of towering elated peaks and sunken emotional valleys. Sadness shared the beauty of her world, and I was awestruck. Flowing tears cleansed my soul and nurtured new growth. Heavy sighs purified the air and caressed new life. Sadness shared with me the beauty that gives exquisite depth and meaning to life — beauty that illuminates both fragility and majesty, beauty so profound it cracks open the heart, like a bulging volcano that bursts forth with love, flowing love … always more and more love.
With deep gratitude and reverence I thanked Sadness for her persistence — for her tenderness, for holding my hand, and for believing I was brave enough to make the journey. Tears of endearment welled in our eyes and she said, “I have been aching to share my beauty with you as I am so often shunned and misunderstood.” She held out her hands to me once again, this time extending the opulent Chalice of Sadness. “For you, my love. Know that with every sip you are ever more resplendent.” And thus her vigil was complete.
*****
We spend so much time pushing away unwanted feelings. When we stop resisting aspects of ourselves, we become fully integrated and step into a balanced and more powerful way of being. We are then free to navigate our world in wholeness. Trusting yourself and knowing your truth is lucky attribute #3 — intuition.
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